I have no earthly idea where any of these sayings came from. I do know that I grew up with them, and they pretty well cover nearly every facet of my life. Some of them are about a girls looks and a boy’s brain, or the lack of one.
OK, get you a cup of coffee or tea and kick your shoes off and just set back and enjoy them. I’m pouring them right out just as they come to mind. Now if you moved down here from up north, you may need some help. Don’t worry about the punctuation, spelling, or sentence structure.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone.
He isn’t two-faced, because if he were, he would wear the other one.
A whistling woman and a crowing hen always comes to some bad end.
He’s got a line you could hang a washing on.
He could buy from a Jew and sell to a Scot and still make a profit.
He looked like a bad case of embalming.
You could use her face to haunt a house.
He would rather take her with him than kiss her good-by.
She was as pretty as a speckled pup.
She was so sweet that sugar wouldn’t melt in her mouth.
He was so tall that when he stood up you could hear his ears pop.
Shoot low; he’s riding a Shetland pony.
His brother was an only child.
A short man casts a long shadow when the sun is going down.
His parents were in the iron and steel business; His mother ironed while his daddy would steal.
His feet were bad enough to carry pistols.
His teeth were like the stars. They came out at night.
His nose was so long, he could smoke a cigarette in the shower.
If your dog likes you, don’t seek a second opinion.
He thought that Taco Bell was a Mexican telephone company.
He is so crooked that when he dies, they will have to bury him with an auger, and screw him into the ground.
You can tell when he is lying; it’s when he opens his mouth.
You could put him in a phone booth stacked with bibles and you still wouldn’t believe him.
They had to tie a pork chop around his neck so that the family dog would play with him.
He lived upstairs over a vacant lot.
He was busier than a one-armed paperhanger.
He was busier than a one legged man at a butt kicking contest.
You couldn’t hem up in a phone booth.
If it cost fifty bucks to go around the world, he couldn’t even get out of sight.
He’s so flat broke he could set on a cigarette paper and dangle his feet.
There ain’t no use being poor and looking poor also.
He’s as confused as a kid that dropped his chewing gum in the hen house.
He couldn’t find his rear end with a reindeer horn.
He lived so far back in the country, he could look up the chimney and see goats grazing on the hill.
They didn’t get the Grand ‘Ole Opry until Wednesday night.
He was twenty-one before he found out that cheese and crackers were two different things.
He’d rather take a laxative and ride a bus all day than get a job.
If you want a job where you can start at the top, try being a well digger.
He’s working for Walker & Turner…Walk a street and turn a corner.
He calls his bed “The Word”, so that when someone asks him “Where were you this morning?” He could reply, “I was in the word”.
He’d fight at the drop of a hat and always carried an extra hat just in case somebody didn’t have one.
I’m glad I made you cry; your face looks cleaner.
The higher up a tree a baboon climbs, the more he shows his backside.
She was so skinny you could tie a string around her ankle and jerk it up to her hip and never slip the knot.
This is like speaking to a ladies garden club the day after a killing frost.
I don’t know for sure just how old he is, but I do know that he was a waiter at the Lord’s Supper.
There’s no use standing in victory, screaming defeat.
If you pray in times of plenty, you don’t have to plead in times of need.
If you prayed about a situation as much as you worried about a situation, how would you feel about the situation?
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The answer is the chicken. God didn’t make any eggs.
Be not the first to try the new, or yet the last to lay aside the old.
It wasn’t raining when Noah started building the arc.
When in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
He’s as confused as a young calf looking at a new gate.
Just remember when you are going out on that first date, God can see through the roof of a car.
Opinions are like bellybuttons, everybody has one.
Youth is wasted on the young.
I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there.
You can only be young once, but you can always be immature.
Genius may have its limitations but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decides that nothing can be done.
Honest criticism is hard to take, especially from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
Actions lie louder than words.
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.
